Separation Anxiety in Pets and Humans

Everyone loves to travel-- experiencing new things, discovering new foods, enjoying new-to-us cultures. But I think something we can all agree on is that, no matter how fun it is to leave home and go on an adventure, it really really sucks to leave our pets behind.

One of the many reasons I wish I could talk to animals would be to make sure Franklin and Kap understand that when John and I go on vacation, we are coming back!!! I definitely believe that every time the boys see a suitcase they don't believe that we are returning, even though we have proven them wrong every single time by doing just that-- returning home with the evil suitcases. But they can't help it-- the boys miss us like crazy, and we miss them like crazy. If we had our way, John and I would call them every day to check in and hear about all the furniture they jumped on and their favorite napping spot of the day. But since we can't easily communicate with Kap and Franklin, we've figured out some strategies to help us all feel better about being apart.

The main anxiety our boys depict when we are gone are low energy, hiding, and in Franklin's case, refusing to eat food left by the cat-sitter. Franklin will also walk around mewing at the top of his lungs if we leave any doors closed, as if trying to tell us to come out from our hiding spots. Kap and Franklin also become overly excited when we get home, leading to scratching at furniture they don't normally scratch at. According to the Metropolitan Veterinary Center, all of these symptoms can be related to separation anxiety. To combat some of these symptoms, we leave all the doors open so that there is no mistake-- we are not playing hide-and-seek. We also cover the furniture with overly-soft blankets that the cats don't enjoy scratching. We've also been working on trying to find a sitter that they both like-- the biggest challenge of all.

Of course, one has to be careful when researching anything medical-related. The Metropolitan Veterinary Center website then goes on to discuss which symptoms could be part of an underlying health issue, and huge changes in a cat's behavior could be more than separation anxiety. I don't believe there are any other underlying health issues, as we've taken Kap and Franklin to the vet multiple times in the last five months and have been told most every time that they symptoms they are displaying are exactly this: separation anxiety.

With that said, with both our boys it is concerning when they won't eat for the cat-sitter. Normally these two can never get enough food, constantly begging for second and third breakfasts and dinners. John and I are on our third cat-sitter now, and hopefully he will have more luck than the last two. Kap didn't like our first sitter, and Franklin didn't like the second. Fingers crossed that the third sitter is the charm and both boys eat no problem!

And of course, it's not easy for us humans to leave our precious fur babies behind, either. I am constantly worried about the boys being alone. What if they get into something they shouldn't? What if Kap jumps up on some high furniture and can't get back down? What if Franklin accidentally traps himself in a cabinet or closet while he explores? My mind is constantly spiraling with these "What ifs...?" which is not healthy. John does a really good job at calming my fears, but I know he quietly shares in my anxiety. I'm just more vocal about it. So, for peace of mind in both John and myself, we purchased a few in-home security cameras. They don't cover every single square foot of the apartment, but they cover enough of the usual spots Kap and Franklin enjoy napping in that we can usually find them, giving us the peace of mind we so desperately crave when we are gone for a few days.

In the article "Do You Suffer from Pet-Related Separation Anxiety?" by Hal Herzog Ph.D. in Psychology Today, he discusses a series of questions asked to pet owners, and the research found that typically the answer is Yes when it comes to humans feeling anxious about leaving their pets, especially for longer periods of times. A few of the questions asked were:

Are pet owners who are especially attached to their pets more likely to experience pet-separation anxiety?

Are people who have less social support among friends and relatives more likely to experience pet-separation anxiety?

Are pet owners who do not have children at home more prone to pet-related separation anxiety?

If you answered Yes to all three above questions, then congratulations! You suffer from pet-related separation anxiety just like me and John! We both have a very small support group, our parents and a few very close friends; we do not have children (our boys are our children, we are millennials after all, haha); and we are incredibly attached to Kap and Franklin. I always make it a point to be home to feed them dinner, and when we run late to feed them I get anxious all over again. One of my favorite things to do is scoop them up in my arms and give them kisses, letting them know how much I love them. And my absolute favorite thing with each of them is getting nose boops from Kap and long snuggles with Franklin. It's extremely difficult to leave them behind, and I wish I could take them on vacation with us, but it's healthy to take a little break once and awhile. Especially when being together too much can fuel the anxiety, making it so much worse than it already is.

Be Chewy reminds us that it is perfectly okay to feel stressed when leaving pets behind, and that it's actually a good thing. "You are concerned about the health and emotional well-being of your beloved pet." We are good pet parents! Emotions help us understand what we value most in life, and so the stronger the love and anxiety one has for their pet, the more we value the relationship we have with our pets. It's also important to have a trusted pet-sitter. As stated above, John and I are still looking for that special person that both Kap and Franklin will come to know and like so that leaving them behind won't be so bad. I know that once we find that cat-sitter, some of the anxiety will ease away from all four sets of shoulders.

It's also extremely helpful to not show your pets how anxious you are, going about your routines like normal and not prolonging the goodbyes. Changing things too much can cause more anxiety in pets. Every time John and I leave on vacation now, we pack our suitcases as quickly as possible, store them in the car, and then come back to our apartment and spend the next hour or so going about our routines as if it's a normal day. This eases Kap and Franklin's peace of mind, making it easier for us to leave. It is clear as day when Franklin knows we are leaving him for awhile because we can hear him meow-screaming as soon as we lock the front door. "Come back!" he cries. On a normal day, he wouldn't meow-scream at us for going outside because he knows we are coming back. So we've built in a new routine for going on vacation that makes sure Franklin and Kap know we are coming back-- they just won't know exactly when because they don't speak English or know how to read a calendar.

And don't worry, even when we are on vacation we are still posting all things Franklin! For daily Franklin pictures and videos, follow him on Instagram and subscribe to the newsletter below to be the first to read each new blog post!